The first time I noticed consciously this voice in my head was about 5 years ago as I started to meditate. I was stunned as it was talking to me unstoppable. And most of the time it was not very nice to me – not to say that very often it was very rude and hurtful. I would not speak like this even to my worst enemy. Why did I do this to myself? And why does this inner voice exist? Where does it come from?
I like Petra Bock’s explanation about this inner voice. She calls it inner guard in her book “Mindfuck”. She describes that it originates from thoughts and patterns, which made sense to us as a child and to our ancestors. As a child we learn from our parents what we are allowed to do and what we are not allowed to do, which protected us. From a certain age these rules do not fit anymore. And instead of protecting us, we limit ourselves, if we still follow them. In addition, we learn as a child beliefs and ideas from former generations that were helpful and made sense to our parents, our grandparents and maybe even to our great-grandparents. On average in every generation this is outdated by minimum of 30 years. These are thought patterns of an authoritarian society. By now we live in a world that changes rapidly and in which we have almost unlimited possibilities and liberties and in which we have to create structures ourselves. This is a huge delta.
As I mentioned already, I spotted consciously my inner voice as I started to meditate. Going on with the meditation, it helped me to tidy up and to remove all the thoughts from my mind, which were obviously and absolutely not relevant to my life, anymore. This was a first great relieve. And my inner voice got a bit gentler and quieter. At this time, I called it my inner monster.
I learned that I should not ignore and suppress my inner voice. If you do so, it is like a pot in which you cook water keeping the steam in the pot and do not letting it out. Eventually, the steam will find a way to get out and in the worst case the pot will explode.
So, I started to listen and talk to my inner voice and to reflect, what it told me. It got even more gentler and quieter. At this time, I started to call it my little bastard.
Nowadays, my inner voice is my ally. I started to ask questions to understand its positive intention as protection or motivation. Sometimes, I agree with my inner voice and I follow its advice. And sometimes I disagree. When I disagree, I explain to my inner voice the why. The interaction between my inner voice and myself is respectful and gentle. It helps and supports me. Even if I disagree, it helps me to identify and eliminate old and useless thought patterns. I have to admit, that I got a bit uncreative, as since quite a while I just call it my inner voice.
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio